On Tonight’s Edition of the Equivalent

Edit: Look, it’s not that I’m complaining.  I’m not even sick.  It’s the fact that he didn’t believe me.  You can’t run a radio station without trust.

——-

You know those days where you say you feel like shit and your boss insists you go home for your own sake and for the health of everyone else?  That doesn’t happen at WCBN.  Especially when people are unjustifiably pissed off at you.  My thought was that Michigan turning 175 was more important than any other thing that happened last week.  I think disagreements shouldn’t turn into punishment just because the person you disagree with is your manager and an asshole  This show is a protest.

Whatever.  We move on.

This past Monday was WCBN’s 40th birthday.  We’ll celebrate by playing “Get Ready to Die” by Andrew W.K. 40 times in a row.  Time permitting, THE NEWS will consist of a highlight package for the history of WCBN, and Dead Air we’ll be extended to 40 minutes.  Happy 40th birthday, WCBN.  You’re going to die eventually.

We’re skipping right past number 9 and number 8 on The Top 5 Worst Songs Ever Written and going straight to number 7 with “Beverly Hills” by Weezer.

I already meant to feel ill and that song doesn’t help.

I’ve had to cancel the interview with Dr. Perry Terrell about his controversial theory of the Terrell Triangle of Fulfillment.  I thought I wasn’t going to be there tonight.  Oops.  Here’s the teaser slide he sent me.

That would have been fun to learn about.  Too fucking bad.

It was only a month ago that the horrible dirge of Christmas Music finally came to an end, but now an even bigger vulture is stalking America’s dehydrated body in the desert of popular consciousness.  Political Ads.  The Equivalent Street Team looked at alternatives to paying attention to the world like living in a cave or drowning.  Tonight we’ll see which methods were most effective and start taking applications to replace the fallen.

Marlboro’s new brand of oreo-scented cigarettes has caused an uproar among the PWFT (Parents With Free Time).  Spokesman Burt Chester left this message on the PWFT facebook page: “It used to only have to punish my six year old when he came back from school smelling like smoke.  Now I have to punish him when he smells like cookies too.  This is really going to cut into my free time.”  As an act of contrition, Marlboro ‘like’d it.  We’ll probably just let that story play out without commentary.

That’s the plan for tonight.  But sometimes plans change when you don’t want them to.

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